Glacial
by TheLostMaximoff
Summary: Ever since the explosion, Caitlin feels like she's standing still while everything around her is moving on.


Glacial

By TheLostMaximoff

Disclaimer: I don't own these characters. I really like Caitlin Snow. R/R.

Her alarm clock goes off just as it does every morning. She lays there in her bed and lets it ring. The electronic tone is insistent, demanding her to notice it. She listlessly looks at the numbers on the clock and swears that time isn't moving. Maybe her clock is broken or maybe she's the one that's broken. Whatever the case, she just lets the alarm keep ringing, losing track of time. Nothing seems to matter anymore.

It's been days since Caitlin Snow went to work. Mostly, she just lays in bed and tries to forget what happened to her life. Everything stopped that night, the night she lost Ronnie. Her heart stopped beating, the world stopped turning, everything just stopped. She doesn't have the energy to move again. Everything in her life used to move so fast. She was one of the fastest rising stars in her field. She and Ronnie were going to get married. She used to have an energy inside her, an energy that being around Ronnie gave her. Now that energy is gone, dissipated into nothingness. Everything moves so slowly now.

Caitlin reaches to the clock and turns off the alarm. She buries her face in her pillow, trying to block out the pain. She inhales deeply and she catches just the lingering hint of Ronnie's scent. She remembers how warm she felt when she was with him, how much he made her smile and laugh. She feels so cold now, as if the blood in her veins was somehow replaced with ice. Caitlin was never the warmest of people but Ronnie was always the one that made her melt.

Her phone rings now. She knows it's Dr. Wells. He's been trying to contact her ever since that night but she can never find it in herself to answer his call. She can't bring herself to care anymore. What's the point of it anyway? What's the point of opening yourself up so much just so you can feel all the pain she feels now? She can't answer any of those questions and it annoys her. Science is always about finding answers to the mysteries of life. It bothers her when there are unanswered questions. Maybe there is no real point to all those things. Maybe she's already figured out the answers and is too scared to admit she's right.

Caitlin can remember every little thing about Ronnie. Science is about precision and details and now every little thing he said or did haunts her. The phone keeps ringing. She can feel herself crying now because all she wants is for the world to stop moving and it won't. Everything just keeps going on except for her. She wants so badly to move with the world but the ache in her heart weighs her down. It feels like an eternity before she finally picks up the phone. She mechanically checks her messages, knowing that the call went to her voicemail.

"Caitlin, I know this is terrible timing but I'd like you to come back to the lab. There's been an interesting development and I need your help. A young man named Barry Allen was struck by lightning the night of . . . of the accident. He should be dead but he isn't. They've moved him here for treatment and I need your medical knowledge. Please, Caitlin. I know you're in so much pain but Ronnie . . . he'd want you to help Barry. You know he would."

Caitlin feels like she doesn't have the energy to even begin to respond to her boss's message. She feels so numb and cold. Everything inside her tells her to just stay in bed like she's been doing for days now. She should just give up because there's no point anymore. She doesn't want to come back to work. She just wants to see Ronnie one more time but she knows that it's impossible. Nobody is ever going to warm her up the way he did. She's just going to feel cold for the rest of her life.

She replays the message again for some unknown reason and she feels something inside her when Wells talks about Ronnie. There's an inkling in the pit of her heart that she can't quite name. Ronnie died trying to help people, to save people's lives. He would want her to do the same, would want her to help this person however she could. Caitlin tries to block out that idea because it's so much more comforting to be in pain than to move forward. It's so much easier to live with a heart of ice than to have one that can be so easily destroyed. That inkling is still there though, that nagging feeling that maybe she doesn't have to keep living this way anymore.

Caitlin nods to herself as she latches onto that feeling instead of running away from it. Ronnie would want her to help people because that was always what he did. She feels something inside her that threatens to melt the icy prison she's incased herself in ever since that night. Her fingers move to push the buttons on her phone and she calls Wells back.

"Okay," she says once he picks up the phone. "For Ronnie."

"Thank you, Caitlin."

Caitlin hangs up the phone and feels the pain rise up in her again. It tries to force her back into submission, back into bed, back into the cold numbness that feels so good right now. Her body trembles and it takes every ounce of energy she has to get herself out of bed. The second her feet hit the floor, there is a tidal wave that surges over her. The warmth of that energy spreads throughout her body and even though it's fleeting, it gives her what she needs. Ronnie would want this for her. Caitlin Snow tells herself that over and over again until she believes it enough to move towards the shower. Her world is still turning, still moving forward again even if the pace is glacial.


End file.
